Summer often feels like a whirlwind—beach days, going on holiday, evenings at the pub with friends, and Sundays spent walking and indulging in ice cream (weather permitting, especially in Ireland!). No matter where you are, summer seems to fly by in the blink of an eye. It’s a season filled with constant activity, catching up with friends, enjoying longer days, and soaking up the sun. Amid all this activity, it’s easy to overlook the little things, like checking in with ourselves and our partners.
When we’re constantly on the go, date nights can easily slip through the cracks. After all, we’re out with friends and family, so that counts as quality time, right?
I love September because, to me, it feels like a fresh start—much like January. We’re in the final quarter of the year, yet there’s still time to make this our best year yet. As the days grow shorter and the nights cooler, it’s the perfect time to refocus on yourself and your relationship.
Here are some simple steps to rebuild (or even start!) relationship routines after a busy summer, helping you and your partner create a beautiful, grounding routine together.
Weekly Relationship Check-In
A weekly relationship check-in is a fantastic way to stay connected with your partner and feel truly loved. My personal favourite time for this check-in is on a Sunday morning over coffee.
Sit down together and review the past week, then plan for the week ahead.
Ask questions like:
- When did you feel most loved by me this week?
- How could I have supported you better?
- What can I do to help you feel more loved next week?
- Are there any disagreements or issues you’d like to discuss?
Use this time to deeply explore your connection. It’s a time for having constructive conversations that help you both feel seen, heard, and supported in your relationship.We all express and receive love differently, so if your partner isn’t meeting a particular need, honest communication is key to resolving it.
You can also include topics like weekly finances, dividing household chores, scheduling intimacy, and planning future date nights in this check-in. Reflect on the date night you had, and talk about how emotionally and physically connected you felt that week. Tailor this check-in to suit your and your partner’s specific needs.
This weekly practice can be transformative for couples, as it creates a dedicated time and space for honest communication.
Daily Check-Ins
You don’t want to go through the entire week on autopilot, only connecting during your big weekly check-in. Ideally, you’ll have smaller daily check-ins to maintain ongoing connection and emotional intimacy.Remember, you chose each other, and both of you deserve to feel valued and supported through the effort you put into your relationship.
Find a time that fits naturally into your daily routine, whether it’s after dinner, just before bed, or whenever works best for both of you. It doesn’t have to take long—just five minutes or so.
Here are some questions you might ask:
- What was the high and low of your day?
- Did you feel supported by me today?
- How can I help you tomorrow?
Also, take a moment to share words of appreciation and love. Give a compliment, tell them you love them. In long-term relationships, it’s easy to stop expressing affection because you’ve said it a million times, but that doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t want to keep hearing it.
Weekly Date Night (or Day)
Never stop dating your partner. When you are single, you put a lot of effort into planning dates—don’t let that effort fade just because you’re in a long-term relationship. The key to successful date nights is to make them a regular part of your routine without letting them become routine. For example, going out for dinner and a movie every Friday might be nice, but over time, it can start to feel predictable and lack excitement.
Mix things up to keep the spark alive. Here are some ways to elevate your weekly date nights:
- Take turns planning: Alternate who plans the date each week. This can add an element of surprise and show that both partners are making an effort. You could plan an activity you know your partner will love, find a bar with their favourite cocktail, or take a sunset walk together. Here is what I like to do for the month:
- Week 1: I plan the date.
- Week 2: We plan the date together.
- Week 3: My partner plans the date.
- Week 4: We plan the date together.
This way, both of us get a chance to plan, making the experience more exciting and balanced.
- Try something new: Novelty keeps things fun and adventurous. Plan a date around an activity you’ve never done before. It could be anything from taking a cooking class to trying out a new hiking trail.
- Plan at-home dates: If you have kids or hectic schedules, at-home dates can be just as special. Cook an elaborate meal together, recreate a favourite restaurant dish, take a YouTube salsa class, or have an at-home spa night complete with massages. You could even build a fort and play board games, or try “Prosecco and paint.” The key is to put in the effort to make these dates feel special.
- Use a shared calendar: Schedule your date nights in a shared calendar, so you both have something to look forward to each week.
- Plan a bigger date event or night away: Every 4-6 weeks, plan something more elaborate, like a night away or a special outing.
- Create a date night jar: Write down date ideas together on different coloured sticky notes:
- Yellow: At-home dates
- Red: Budget-friendly dates
- Blue: Splurge-worthy dates
- Green: New and novel activities
This way, you’ll never run out of ideas.
- Be flexible with timing: Don’t limit yourself to date nights. If your schedule is tight, find any time that works for both of you. Can’t do Saturday night, but have free time on Wednesday from 2 pm to 4 pm? Block that time off and make it a date. Don’t use the excuse of “I don’t have the time”—you can make the time.
Prioritise your relationship by making date nights a ritual to look forward to every week. Keep things fresh and varied to show effort and love, ensuring your dates remain a meaningful and enjoyable part of your connection.
Introduction to Grounding Activities
Incorporating grounding activities into your daily routine can help you and your partner feel more connected and present with each other. Grounding exercises are simple techniques that help you stay in the moment, reduce anxiety, and create a sense of calm and connection. They are particularly helpful after a busy or stressful day and can be a lovely way to wind down together.
Grounding Activities to Reconnect
- Deep Breathing Exercises: Spend a few minutes each evening practising deep breathing together. This could be as simple as sitting close, holding hands, and breathing in sync. The 4-7-8 breathing technique is particularly effective—inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.
- Mindful Touch: Set aside 5-10 minutes to simply touch each other without any distractions. This could be as gentle as holding hands, a soft embrace, or giving each other a slow, mindful massage. Focus on the sensation of touch, the warmth of your partner’s skin, and the connection between you.
- Gratitude Sharing: At the end of the day, take turns sharing three things you’re grateful for—whether it’s something your partner did, a moment you enjoyed, or simply something you appreciate about your day. (It can be something as small as how much you enjoyed your morning coffee!). This helps shift your focus to a positive mindset.
- Body Scan Meditation: Lie down together and take turns guiding each other through a body scan meditation. This involves slowly bringing attention to different parts of the body, starting from the toes and moving up to the head. It’s a wonderful way to relax and connect on a deeper level.
- Nature Walks: If time allows, take a walk together in nature—whether it’s a park, a beach, or just around your garden. Walking side by side in a natural setting can be incredibly grounding and offers a peaceful way to connect without the pressure of conversation.
Wrapping up: A Balanced Relationship Routine
As summer fades and life returns to its usual rhythm, it’s important to create routines that keep you connected with your partner. By integrating weekly check-ins, daily moments of connection, regular date nights, and grounding activities into your life, you’re laying the foundation for a strong, healthy and happy relationship.
Remember, routines don’t have to be rigid or boring. They can be flexible, fun, and most importantly, tailored to what works best for you and your partner. The key is consistency and the intention behind each activity. With these practices in place, you’ll not only rebuild your relationship routine after a busy summer but also strengthen your relationship in a meaningful way.